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i sold my soul...

...but don't you dare call me a whore

In the interest of being politically incorrect...
text epic shit!
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super!"

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

Meme from the_archangel
movies bds heavens last attempt
The Rules:
1. People who have been tagged must write the answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new, original question.

2. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

I just left all of Dev's questions, 'cause she's awesome, aaaand.. I am uncreative.Collapse )


Writer's Block: The start of something wonderful
movies bds heavens last attempt
What is your favorite opening line of a book, and why?

Books are my life. There's no way I could just pick one...

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."

"As I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman, and a ride home."

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."

"I want to tell you some important things before we start our journey: I lived through it all."

And finally, although it is more than a 'line':

"Dear friend: I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I really don't want you to do that. I will call people by different names or generic names because I don't want you to find me. I didn't enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest. I just need to know that someone listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even though they could have. I need to know that these people exist."

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wwe trish bow down
I refuse to cut this so don't ask me to 'cause LOOK AT MY BABY BROTHER OMG!!! ;D

That's like, my new favorite picture EVER.

Me and Thomas Wesley Clark

Me, Thomas and Jonathan. He wouldn't hold the baby so I had to sit on him. :D

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samcro gemma makes that cig look good
I will try to come back and do an actual lifepost later. (I've given up on the musicmeme for the time being... unfortunately, I'm way too busy for anything fun these days)... but I just had to stop by for a moment to link you here and INSIST that you go read this, now. Especially if you're having a bad day and need a laugh.

Now, I would doubt the validity of this page and say that she's making it all up to try and sell t-shirts. But, the fact of the matter is, I live with a "sleep talkin' man", and I know the crazy things their brains can come up with. There is no way we could fake this stuff, really.

Just some of Nathan's nightly gems:

Nate: "::SNORE::"
Me: "Can you roll over, please? You're snoring."
Nate: "::SNORE:: ... I am not snoring. You're snoring."
Me: "Just roll over so I can sleep."
Nate: "What do you mean I'm snoring? ::SNORE:: I'm not even asleep. I don't snore when I'm awake and when I'm asleep."
Me: "Oh my god.. would you just roll over?!"
Nate: "... you're snoring. ... ::rolls over::"

Nate: "::SNORE::" (yeah, that happens every time he falls asleep on his back.)
Me: "... goddamnit. Roll over, please. You're snoring."
Nate: "Nope!"
Me: "Roll over, I want to cuddle with you." (trying to be sweet to skip the sleep-argument this time)
Nate: "Well, you can't have my shoulderblade. It's in my teeth."
Me: "... you keep your shoulderblades in your teeth?"
Nate: "(sounding intensely proud of himself) Yep!"
Me: "What else do you keep in your teeth?"
Nate: "Oh. Everything."

Me: "Honey. You slept through the alarm. It's time to get up now."

And my favorite, which will forever live in our history:


ETA: He also said "I love you" to me for the very first time while asleep. I didn't mention it to him, and then he said it for real about three days later. I told him then, and we had a good laugh about how far ahead his subconscious is.

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movies bds heavens last attempt

My driver's license has been suspended. WHY, you ask?! Well, let me tell you!

Recall the car accident I posted about a while back? Where my tire blew, in the middle of the night, on a very twisty road, and I flipped that bitch six times? Where EMTs had to come and pull me out of the car and rush me to the trauma center? Where I was there for twelve hours, completely immobile having all sorts of painful and degrading procedures, while scared out of my motherfucking mind because they thought I had spinal damage? Yeah, that accident.

While I was still in C-spine on the trauma table, a cop came and told me he had to write me a ticket because I didn't have insurance. I told him I DO have insurance. He replied that he couldn't find my insurance card. Really? You couldn't find my insurance card in my car that was nothing but SCRAP METAL because she'd just flipped end over end SIX TIMES?! Well, what a fucking surprise! I told him again, I do have insurance. There is a copy of my insurance card in my purse. I don't know where my purse is. Obviously, I can't even move my arm much less get up off this table and get it for you. Ask the fucking doctors what they did with my stuff. I didn't say that, of course. But I did tell him that I HAVE insurance and there is a copy of it in my purse. He said, "okay, sign here," and put a piece of paper in my face. The nurse had to lift my arm for me so I could sign the damn thing since I had IV drips in both arms. The cop left and I never talked to them again.

Now I get a letter in the mail saying my driver's license is suspended because I DIDN'T GO TO COURT, and I have to pay $1000 to get it re-instated. Go to court for WHAT?! Because this completely incompetant moron of a "police officer" thinks that because he can't find a 2X3 piece of paper, in the dark, in a car that is totally CRUSHED automatically means I don't have insurance?! Don't you people have computers for that?! Can't you look up my license plate or my driver's license or something and see that I DO have insurance?!

I am so beyond pissed off right now, I don't even know what to do. I just called central collections, and they said I have to show up at the court, no later than six am, and stand in line. And maybe after I do that for a FEW DAYS, I can finally get granted to see a judge and plead my case. Well, how the fuck am I supposed to get to the courthouse if I can't DRIVE THERE. And who the fuck is going to explain to my boss that I can't go to work for an undetermined amount of time because I have to stand outside the courthouse for no good reason.


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movies bds heavens last attempt
Catching up on the music memeCollapse )

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movies bds heavens last attempt
So, I've slacked off in my music meme, but I think I will have the chance to catch up tomorrow. Not that anyone reads it, anyway, but that's okay. I'm just having fun with it. :)

I'm currently sitting here with my foot slathered in toothpaste. I stepped on a bee on Sunday, and now my entire foot is one huge swollen ball of motherfucking ITCH. I read an article written by a guy who (supposedly) went out and purposely got stung by bees so that he could try a bunch of remedies and see which one worked best. He said toothpaste, and so, here I sit. It's actually working pretty well.

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movies vg so vain
Day 05 - A Song That Reminds You Of Someone

'Cause this song is my other half.

Rest of the DaysCollapse )

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movies vg walking out the door
Day 04 - A Song That Makes You Sad

The lyrics to this song are beyond beautiful, and even though it makes me sad, it's one of those healing sadnesses, you know? Always a tender spot for this one... a level of nostalgia for times gone by, as most of my music provides for me. This one also holds bitterness because of the person who made me the CD with this song on it, and told me it was true. Liar.

BTW, I'm totally loving this meme, Dev. I'm glad you posted it. Gives me an excuse to listen to all my favorites. :D

The Rest of the DaysCollapse )